I’m Not a Lipstick Lesbian and Neither Are You

The term “bisexual” is one infamously tied to its social meaning. In theory, a bisexual person is someone who can experience attraction on a sexual, emotional, and affectionate level to people of any sex. In comparison to being gay or straight, it should be the “other” option. Instead, bisexuals are seen as half-assed lesbians, many of whom seem to be for the benefit of the straight community — “lipstick lesbians,” or straight women who have sex with women to be hot. As a result, “bisexuality” is not really seen as a legitimate sexual orientation, or at least not in the way it should be. In a way, we’ve become fixated on the male consumer market, and have gotten stuck with the porn industry’s interpretation as the definition of bisexuality.

The situation is unfortunate for women, who, by and large, are more susceptible to fluidity in their sexuality. For those of us who experience attraction of either sex frequently, we’re sort of tossed from one category to the other, never completely being understood. Bisexuals are also affected by anti-gay legislation laws — although I’m legally allowed to marry and divorce any man I want even if it’s just for shits and giggles, if I wanted to marry a woman I loved I wouldn’t have the option. I’ve been called a “faggot” and “dyke” in public for something as menial as holding hands with a girl. I’ve also been objectified over and over again for my preferences.

I realize that there’s a whole community of people who experience this oppression, and while I don’t think I’ve got it too tough, I’d at least like to be seen as something other than a sex object because of what arbitrary category I place myself in. For now, when people ask for my sexual orientation, instead of telling them I’m bisexual, I say I don’t believe in categorization. It’s not because I’m ashamed of being bisexual, but because of the inevitable, seldomly unspoken question that comes after — “What kind of bisexual are you?”

FEMBEATS, vol. 1: Cat Power, Helium, Sleater-Kinney, & more

So a little while back I posted a little playlist inspired by neglected female artists from the underground/indie music scene. Since I have a passion for being pretentious about music, I thought I’d carry on what I was trying to accomplish with the original project by hopefully turning on fellow feminist music lovers to some new bands while acknowledging the powerful presence of women in a male-dominated field. Without further ado…

SCHIZOPHRENIA IS WEIGHING ME DOWN (SONIC YOUTH COVER) – CAT POWER: CLEAR THE ROOM DEMOS AND RARITIES (1996)
Genre: indie, singer-songwriter

MEDUSA – HELIUM: THE DIRT OF LUCK (1995)
Genre: indie rock, alternative

READY FOR THE FLOOR – LISSY TRULLIE: SELF-TAUGHT LEARNER EP (2009)
Genre: indie rock, singer-songwriter

ROLLERCOASTER – SLEATER-KINNEY: THE WOODS (2005)
Genre: indie rock, riot grrrl

THE LOVE THAT I CRAVE (STRATEGY’S STRATA CLUB REMIX) – THE BLOW: POOR AIM LOVE SONGS (2007)
Genre: electronic, remix

DEAD BIRD’S FEET – MECCA NORMAL: WATER CUTS MY HANDS (1992)
Genre: spoken word, riot grrrl

A Thank-You Note to Men

Today I was browsing the internet aimlessly as I often do, and came across this gem, a lovely piece of wax-poetic bullshit by Mary-Louise Parker entitled “A Thank-You Note to Men,” which was published in Esquire magazine for men. The sexism is so obviously glaring in this piece, so instead of critiquing it, I thought I’d write my own Thank-You Note in response. I encourage others to write their own thank-you notes and share them.

A Thank-You Note to Men
by Stephanie Lane Sutton
in response to Mary-Louise Parker

To Whom to May Concern:

Manly creature, who stops brushing his teeth five months into the relationship yet holds me to unreasonable standards of beauty starting as young as age three, who wakes me up by pressing his bulbous erection onto some dry crevice of my body, or better yet, wakes me up by staring at me and jerking off; even if we are seen as equals, you will always make more money than me, you will always possess the ability to observe and control while I am always approaching the world like a deer perpetually stuck in headlights, you will always be better at math and always be a better driver than me. You, who have always had the upper hand of rape — you will notice a woman walking down the street and compliment her and mean to embarrass and objectify her, to treat her as if her purpose is to make you pant, like a dog, like a bitch. You, who will always be a little bit more carefree than me, because your gender is the one that has controlled history. You, who has always taken my jobs, my government representation, and my children, by means of domination, public humiliation, and pure fear. But you are the one who is afraid. You, who have always feared the day where women weren’t raised to be docile anymore, to keep their heads down, to be afraid to fight back, to be submissive, to be everything you want them to be — sexy, innocent, successful, motherly, domesticated. You, who have been the master of all recorded history; you, who took your most talented student’s paintings and posed hers as your own; you, who destroyed Sappho’s poems when she dared to reject the need for you and your beliefs. Thank you for all the wars, economic catastrophes, people enslaved, corporations erected with more basic human rights than people of color, of lower class, and always the obedient woman.

I have something to tell you: I am not here to shower you with compliments about the way you smell or your goofy, aloof personality. I am not here to thank you for all the little ways you take advantage of me. I am not going to blame you for what has passed. But this is what I ask: When a woman is going after something she wants and you think you can stop her, you stick around for the fight.

Caster Semenya’s Place (or lack thereof) in the World of Sports.

Recently, an athlete by the name of Caster Semenya was outed as intersexed after whooping the asses of her female competitors in the 800m dash in the 2009 World Championship Athletics competition. People found it hard to believe that a WOMAN could possibly compete at that level, and so she was subjected to tests to determine her sex, and the results were then made public. Although she has been allowed to keep her title, she has been subject to much controversy and public embarrassment. She even went through a make-over to prove she could look feminine.

When Women’s Sports began to form during the Victorian Era, “the constraints that most closely inhibited women’s sport participation were women’s physiology, fashion, and social expectations.” Women were often discouraged from participating in sports because it was believed it would be damaging to their ability to give birth, but also because it was feared that women would be more masculine. This was result of an underlying fear that women could measure up to men, in competition and life ability. Although there has been a lot of social progress, this idea has still not been completely abandoned in contemporary society, as evidenced by the fact that there is still a divide between men’s and women’s sports.

This divide is not completely unfounded — in most athletic areas, men continue to dominate women, and if athletics were integrated, women would be unable to compete professionally in most cases. Men also have an unfair advantage, both due to historic predisposition, social predisposition, the process of sexual selection (which, on average, favored stronger men and domesticated women). It is this very perception that is keeping men and women from finding equal footing in the world of sports.

The binary system in place that defines both professional athletics and the gender standards of our lives is unrealistic. This is because of the existence of women like Caster Semenya — as it stands, there is no correct place for her in the world of sports. Although she could be described as an extreme example, her situation is exemplary of the reality of the system of gender and sex we work off of in society — no one fits exactly into one category or another. Nearly everyone deviates from traditional conceptions of gender, either in hormonal make-up or in lifestyle choices. The differences can be small or large, but ultimately prove that gender and sex are things that are perceived, not biologically created. Although a small portion of the population is intersexed, many more are transgendered, queer, or otherwise don’t fit the mold of tradition notions of sex. They cannot be ignored for much longer.

The solution to this social problem is to either recognize every different category of sex/gender identity — which could get complicated and redundant very quickly — or work towards an equal, gender neutral society. I tend to favor the latter, because I personally think sex and gender should be completely irrelevant to everything but personal identity. Although people argue to the relevance of women’s sports, the divide — in sports as well as every other facet of life — is prolonging true equality from being achieved. Women haven’t been given a fair shot, and it’s no secret that women’s sports aren’t nearly as prevalent as men’s. Until our world is fairly integrated, men will always have the upper hand.

Welcome to Cougar Town

I know all of us empowered single women will be glad to hear about the first ever Miss America Cougar Pageant, which was, apparently, a celebration of female independence — not shallow competition and self-objectification. As the winner of the pageant proclaimed, “I went from soccer mom with short hair, flat-heeled shoes and fanny packs to cougar. I believe every woman has a cougar in them – someone who doesn’t need a man for anything other than companionship.”

Although apparently the event was largely a “single’s mixer,” being run by the Society of Professional Singles. They say they’re really making a difference by “defying convention,” merely because instead of the stereotypical pursuit of that young pink taco, you’ve got hundreds of 20-to-30-something year old males openly admitting to their Oedipal complex.

Sorry, dudes, but you can’t describe your convention as an “empowering” event for women who “don’t need men” when beauty pageants are not about empowerment in the first place — they’re about being judged on appearance, the winner being decided by who can conform to what the judges (both real and figurative) want the most. The image and projected meaning alike are unrealistic, and center about embarrassing and dehumanizing its contestants. It’s not like there aren’t beauty pageants for men, trannies, gays and lesbians alike, but as a mainstream phenomenon, beauty pageants have always evolved around the “dream girl” archetype, which more often than not tie into the very stereotypes which keep women oppressed.

Take, for example, the whole philosophy behind this Cougar Convention bullshit. I can totally get behind feeling sexually empowered — it’s something I try to accomplish on a daily basis. However, it certainly cannot be accomplished by packaging yourself and offering your body to be scrutinized against other women. Not to mention the whole point of the convention in the first place is to add an original and shocking dynamic to just another night trying to meet someone to go home with.

To be empowered is to be separated from notions of control and submission, and it certainly doesn’t involve using your body as bribery. To be empowered is not to be synonymous with being desirable, yet for some reason, whenever you talk about empowered women, that seems to be the connotation. Isn’t it funny how things seem to work out that way?

Obama is a Fence-sitter when it comes to Being Gay

This article claims the gay community has “gone too far” in its criticisms for Obama. Apparently the LGBTQ community is claiming to be the “new black.” Yeah, better give the president some leeway with his homophobic actions, otherwise you’ll be accused of racism!

Now, I understand the concern with gay people demanding their civil rights. After all, we do live in a Democratic society, where minorities’ liberties are put up to the vote against the majority (a FLAWLESS system, I assure you). However, I am tired of some issues of civil rights being compared to other class, race, and lifestyle struggles. Aren’t they all the same? We may have a black man sitting in the oval office today, but as far as I’m concerned, minority groups are still far from recognized in positions of legislative power and social influence.

President Obama has done a lot of clever politicianing around issues, but he has openly deceived the LGBTQ community. When it came time for everyone to turn in their ballots, he promised to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act, and came out in support in Civil Unions. I guess you give him a big pat on the back for having the White House’s first GAY DAY, but he also was sworn in on the Bible of an open homophobe. His comments regarding “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” have been appallingly hateful. Not to mention anti-gay legislation has been rampant throughout the country, and he has little to say on the issue.

I witnessed Obama’s historic Rallying of the Gays on the campaign trail, and now have also seen him refuse to follow through on the allegiances he made when he was grabbing for our votes. But I guess that’s just our fault for being born in a country based on false-liberties and keeping freedom out of the hands of its people.

Revolution Now: To Those Who’ve Died in Battle

My heart has been going out to the young people in Iran who have been risking their lives to stand up for what they believe in. There are several twitters giving voice to the youth activists, and some of the ‘tweets’ are shocking to me — apparently troops have surrounded the dorms at the universities in Tehran, there are fake marches for Mousavi intended to trick revolutionaries and trap them, not to mention all of this. The recent events in Iran prove both that the youth is still capable of revolution, but also how far the government is willing to go to stop radical change.

And it’s not just Ahmadinejad who is trying to squelch revolutionary flames. President Obama, although largely quiet on the issue, had this to say:

“I am deeply troubled by the violence that I’ve been seeing on television. I think that the democratic process, free speech, the ability for folks to peacefully dissent, all those are universal values and need to be respected. … We respect Iranian sovereignty and want to avoid the United States being the issue inside of Iran.”

In short, “Stop trying to stop those who want to exercise complete control over your lives! If you must try to stop them, please do it quietly and without hurting those in charge! Violence is not the answer! Also just please leave me out of it!” I almost wanted to laugh when I read this because it’s just a perfect example of the non-violent brainwashing we’ve been subjected to since the end of the 60’s, which I wrote about just a few months ago. Excuse me, but did the United States not seek independence from Great Britian by way of violence? Has violence not always been a tool of liberation? Peacefully dissenting gets you nowhere, especially if you live somewhere as conservative as Iran. In fact, I have no doubt peacefully dissenting gets you even less than revolutionary violence. How much attention do you think the young people in Iran would get if they were sitting in the quad playing guitar and having singalongs about freedom and peace? Fuck that bullshit.

The people of Iran are rightfully outraged and are directing their outrage at the right people — Ahmadinejad has not only violated the sacred contract of servitude from government to people, he has downright turned against them, as evident by the completely horrendous violence they’ve turned to use against its own budding youth.

People of Iran, do not give up. Fight the good fight. You are showing the world that young people still are brave enough to die for what they believe in, and that we are capable of changing the world for the better — that we are capable of overcoming evil, corruption, greed, and disillusionment. You are the true hope for the world.

Babies, Babies, Everywhere, and Not a Tot to Keep

The assumption of the pro-life movement is that abortion is an issue that has only become relevant recently, because women are choosing to have premarital sex earlier, whereas before couples waited until marriage. Essentially it can all be blamed on the sexual revolution and the normalization of sex. The pro-life argument also assumes either that 1) by engaging in sex women are accepting the responsibility of a child, or, 2) it is just as convenient (and definitely more morally convenient) to keep the child than to have an abortion. Let me dissect this point of view piece by piece.

First of all, the idea that people have been engaging in premarital sex more often within the past forty years is completely false. A survey conducted by MSNBC reveals that 91% of Americans have engaged in premarital sex, including those born before WWII. So case closed on that one — it is highly likely that your grandmother had sex that could be considered damnable. The idea that people are more ‘promiscuous’ today in result of the sexual revolution is skewed; sex is more present and more obvious in our culture, and more talked about, which makes it more socially acceptable, but also more present in comparison to the past decades. I personally think this point is already moot considering that even married couples pursue abortion, especially if they already have several kids.

Now, as for women being “responsible for their actions” when it comes to sex — let’s have a look at the other responsibilities of women. 46% of women in college also work (compared to 31% of males)*; women receive the majority of Bachelor’s degrees*. Women are far more likely to be single parents; in situations of divorce, children are more likely to live with their mother, and let’s not forget that even in long-term couples women are more often the primary caregivers to their children. Women live off of less than what men make — that, in combination with the demands of both parenting and having a career, next to impossible to be a single parent and take care of a kid on your own. Not to mention all the social pressures we feel to be sexy in order to be liked and child-free in order to have fun/be wanted by men.

The validity of the fetus’s being alive is disputable. The point at which life begins is a matter of opinion — whether it is at conception, at birth, or when one is old enough to vote or drink. Legally, one is not alive unless she has a given amount of brain activity, which an unborn fetus does not qualify for. This is the same law that determines when we can put people out of their fucking misery.

But ultimately, pro-”life” rhetoric has little to do with life at all, because it does not account for the lives of those who are pregnant, nor the lifestyles (both chosen and inflicted) which have unspeakable impacts among its sexually active population. People are choosing to have sex at the same age we always have, we’re just waiting later to settle down and have families (or deciding not to at all) in favor of careers, health, and relative freedom. And let’s be honest, there are plenty of people who aren’t ready for kids. If pro-lifers were really about life, they’d stop focusing so much on making people feel guilty over perceived mistakes and focus more on tackling the real issues — poor foster care system, birth control malfunction, flaws in the health care system, and welfare. Get with it, America, and stop judging people for refusing to share warped and naive perceptions of reality.

Pro-Life Fanaticism: Fun for the Whole Family!

This morning I read the news only to discover Dr. Tiller, a Wichita abortionist who was one of the only doctors in the country to perform late-term abortions, was murdered — ON HIS WAY TO CHURCH. In the 90’s, a fanatical pro-lifer attempted to assassinate him, shooting him twice; just a few weeks ago, his clinic was seriously vandalized, with thousands of dollars worth of damage racked up. There is no doubt in my mind that this act was committed by a fanatical pro-lifer.

I think this act points out a lot of flaws in the pro-life movement. Sure, it was committed by an extremist, and most people with common sense can see the hypocrisy in murdering a human for the sake of unborn babies. But I’d like to point out that you never hear about pro-choicers murdering anyone (other than those pesky fetuses); the most extreme pro-choice gesture in the past year was some Ivy League chick’s art project which didn’t hurt anyone, let alone kill anything. I would like to point out that a google search for pro-choice fanatics brings up almost exclusively results about pro-life fanatics which victimize pro-choicers; a search for pro-life fanatics brings up many of the same results, the first one, “Confessions of a Pro-Life Fanatic,” actually redirecting to a Catholic forum. Weeeeeeeird.

My point is, that even if these pro-life homicidal maniacs are “extremists,” the fact that they even exist in the first place speaks leaps and bounds about the heart of pro-life ideology. First of all, most of the leading motivation behind the majority of pro-lifers is not actually a “passion for life” as they would play it off, but a belief in God — specifically the Catholic God. Now, I know this may be shocking news for some of you, but God (and the Bible) actually endorses a lot of acts contemporaries would consider immoral, such as slavery, genocide, rape, incest, gender roles, and gay hate. I’m not saying that pro-lifers endorse all of the above (although I’m sure many of them do), but that the religious ideology that is the driving force behind the pro-life presence in America is very hateful and confused. (Psst: This is why no one should ever be Catholic.)

Oh, and pro-lifers, before you go spamming my comments, make sure you don’t say anything this fucking idiot didn’t say already.

Men and Women are Different

Feminism is constantly marginalized in comparison to other movements, such as the Black Rights Movement, because “a black man and a white man are the same, but men and women are different.”

Let’s count the ways men are women are different, shall we?

Men:
Has a penis

Women:
Has a vagina

There you go, there’s all the justification you need for segregating the sexes and choosing to oppress one or the other. Nevermind that the idea of two sexes is sort of fabricated, considering the fact that people have been born with mixed genitals for forever, nor the fact that many people feel sex and gender do not match.

I’m so sick of people spewing this type of bullshit. “Yeah, men and women should be equal, but they ARE different.” Who cares what anatomy you have?! Does it really make that much of a difference?

Now, I know you could say “Oh hormones blah blah blah make you act different blah blah blah,” and to that I would also say, “Bullshit.” No two people — regardless of whether or not they are the same or different sex — will act exactly the same, have the same reactions to stress, the same sense of humor, be attracted to the same type, etc etc etc. Further, hormones are certainly not the deciding factor in potential and human worth… you’re just an asshole if you think they are.

Stereotypes are socially conceived and perceived. You’d be a pretty bad lawyer if you tried to prosecute a black man based on the stereotype that “blacks commit crimes more,” not to mention such a stereotype is skewed by racist cops, but I digress: EVERYONE. ESPECIALLY SELF-DESCRIBED FEMINISTS. STOP SAYING “MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT” BECAUSE THEY AREN’T. GET OVER THE EXISTENCE OF GENITALS. Come on, humanity is better than this! We have microscopic robots to fight AIDS and shit like that! COME ON.

Okay, I’m done banging my head against the keyboard. Have a nice day.